c y n d i

At the moment, it's approximately a thousand degrees inside my condo; I'm sweating underneath my laptop, cursing the fact that the night's passed by too quickly. I also feel a cold coming on.

While I work, background noise is an absolute necessity (otherwise, in the silence, my mind wanders to strange places and things can get a little too intense). Usually it's video looping around, familiar character voices and story lines filling the void; there are shows and movies that I've probably played hundreds of times (I once watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire four consecutive times to stay in the zone while painting). Once in a while, however, I'll switch over to music.

Tonight was a Cyndi Lauper kind of night; once I saw her name, I had to listen. She reminds me of childhood and freedom and excitement; I want to be like her, channel that spirit of intense individuality and openness and passion.

*

I've been caught too, thinking about the past and playing the melancholy "what if" game. I'm happier now in life than I've ever been, but it's still impossible not to look back and sigh a little bit sometimes.

*

I just wanna have fun!