c r i s i s

I found myself dealing with a minor crisis a few mornings ago. I've already mentioned my erratic sleeping patterns as of late; on this particular day, lack of rest caused me to sleep in later than normal. So, having overslept by five minutes (which is saying something, seeing as I habitually only leave myself a 20 minute window to shower, get dressed and run out the door in the morning...oops) I, stumbled briskly through my morning routine until finally I attempted to pull on a pair of tights (as per usual, uniform = dress, cardigan, tights!). I chose a grey pair which someone had given me and were the wrong size; the clock was ticking down as I struggled to pull these tight tights up my legs and they got all twisted and weird and I realized, panic stricken within two minutes of my necessary departure time that there was no way I could survive the day wearing them but no way that I could change them before leaving.

I stuffed another pair of tights in my purse and ran out the door; with every step I took they rolled a little bit further down my bum and wiggled down my legs...and let me tell you, there's no discomfort like being wedged into an overcrowded morning commuter train with sausage casings pinching you.

t a n k

Do you ever feel like you spend so much time studying and emulating others that you forget how to be yourself? That's my creative trap — I look around and wonder how other (successful looking) people thrive and then a) berate myself for not being like them and b) try to mimic them and feel deflated when I can't. I've gone and done it again, hence the sparsity around here. Oops.

I'll tell you what snapped me out of it (a little): Lori Petty as Tank Girl.

I bought the VHS in high school for three dollars, based solely on the wacky appeal of its cover (bright yellow! goggles! pouting red lips!); the clerk who cashed me out said something like "oh, wow, that movie eh?" and I remember asking if that meant it was horrible. He laughed and said that I'd see for myself when I watched it...and once I watched — nay, experienced — Tank Girl for the first time, I was in awe of Lori's easy laugh and relaxed coolness; she was silly and strong and full of cleverness and I LOVED her. I vowed  to be just as unafraid and nonchalant in my own life, to be unapologetically real and enjoy everything.

Somehow, I'd forgotten how inspiring Tank's half-shaved rainbow hair and sassy quips were in the years since then. Her jubilant exclamation of "Aw, man!" drifted into my daydreams recently, and, happily, all the aforementioned came back to me. Lesson learned: calm down, loosen up and be yourself!

*

The other morning on my walk to work, I passed a woman while crossing the street and did a long double take. She was wearing the most perfect shades of peach and pea green together (blouse and cardigan). I felt like a bit of a creep leering at a stranger; I wish it was socially acceptable to congratulate passers by on their sartorial choices.